Lord of the Everlasting Donuts
by Fellowship of the Band Geeks
Summary: It’s the LotR we all love, with a twist. Who is the Lord of the Everlasting Donut? Humorous and mindless fluff. By The Chocoholic Snail of Doom, with help from the Grim Reaper.
1. Chapter One

Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings, or any related characters. If a character appears (as it will later) that's not in the book or movie, chances are it's mine.

Chapter 1

Hurry up Pippin! We've got things to do!" Merry yelled from atop his pony.

"Just a minute! I forgot something!" Pippin said, running back to his Hobbit hole. Sam slapped his forehead and Frodo rolled his eyes. Pippin came out, stuffing a brown bag into his pocket.

"What's that?" Merry asked.

"Nothing important." Pippin said quickly. Merry narrowed his eyes in thought. He and Pippin had always shared everything with each other. Whatever it was, it had to be important enough for Pippin to run back in and get it. But what was it that Pippin didn't want to tell him? What indeed.

Later, when the hobbits were wandering about...

"Hey look!" Sam shouted loudly. Frodo immediately shushed him. Sam tried again. "Hey look!"

"Whaaaaat!" Merry and Pippin shouted in unison. Frodo shushed them too.

"Why are you shushing everybody all of a sudden?" Pippin asked.

"BECAUSE WE ARE BEING CHASED BY THE SERVANTS OF SAURON! THAT'S WHY!" Frodo screamed. Sam, Merry, and Pippin imediantly shushed him. Frodo glared daggers at them. If there is such a thing anyway.

"How does one glare daggers?" Pippin asked the author.

"It's an expression." the author explained to the naive Hobbit.

"Ohh. What does naive mean?" Pippin asked the author.

"Well..." the author began but never had a chance to finish.

"CAN WE PLEASE GET BACK TO THE STORY?" Sam shouted. Frodo, Merry, Pippin, and the author immediately shushed him.

The author backspaced and started over.

Later, when the hobbits were wandering about.

"Hey look!" Sam said in a moderate tone of voice.

"Whaaaaaat!" Merry and Pippin asked in a moderate tone of voice.

"Why are we all talking in a moderate tone of voice?" Pippin asked in a moderate tone of voice.

"If you yell, then Frodo will shush and the same thing will happen again." the author explained to the naive Hobbit.

"Ahhh. I see. What does naive mean?" Pippin asked.

"JUST DO THE STORY LINE ALREADY!" the frustrated author screamed. Frodo immediately shushed the author. The author then decided this chapter was going absolutely nowhere and skipped it entirely.


	2. Cures for Boredom

Lord of the Everlasting Donuts

Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings, any of the characters or themes. I also do not own Star Wars. I don't own eBay either. Or Goldfish crackers. However, the 'MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAcough, cough cough.' is a trademark of me. Other than that I don't really own anything here.

Chapter 2: Cures for Boredom- Goldfish, eBay, and Star Wars

"Hey look, vegetables! Let's steal them from Farmer Maggot!" Pippin said.

"I don't think that's such a good idea Pippin..." Frodo said nervously.

"I think it's a great idea!" Merry said.

"Don't you think it's immoral?" Sam asked. Merry and Pippin seemed to consider this.

"Nah," they said in unison. "Besides," Merry continued, "We're foolish hobbits and comic relief. That's what we do."

"Steal vegetables?" Frodo said skeptically. Merry and Pippin shrugged.

"You guys stay here. We won't get caught, we're pros. Promise!" Pippin said. Merry and Pippin dashed off through the corn.

"Ok, we'll just stay here then." Sam said.

Later...

"What's taking them so long?" Frodo asked. Sam shrugged.

"Want to play solitaire?" he asked, pulling out a deck of Ring-shaped cards.

"Where did you get those?" Frodo asked.

"eBay. I also got this cool action figure of myself." Sam pulled out a small action figure of himself with a pot. "See? It has pot bashing action!" Frodo rolled his eyes.

"Do you have any food in your gigantic pack? I'm starving!" Frodo asked.

"Of course Mr Frodo. Even though we're surrounded by acres and acres of corn..." Sam said. "Lets see, well, I've got Goldfish Crackers!" Sam added, searching his pack. Frodo grimaced in disgust.

"Doesn't it bother you that they smile happily as you eat them?" he asked.

"No..." said Sam around a mouthful of Goldfish.

Even Later...

Sam hummed The Imperial March from Star Wars.

"Will you quit that?" Frodo asked grumpily.

"Quit what?" Sam asked innocently, pausing in his humming.

"You're humming and it's bugging me." Frodo said.

"No I'm not." Sam said.

"Well, you were."

"But I'm not now."

"But you were."

"So?"

"And since when have you seen Star Wars?" Frodo asked.

"Hasn't everyone?" Sam asked.

"I haven't!" Frodo said proudly. Sam looked flabbergasted.

"How could you not have seen Star Wars? It's like, the greatest movie since, well, since us!"

"They made a movie out of this?" Frodo said, looking around nervously for cameras.

"Yeah, you should see what happens at the end..." Sam began.

"Don't tell me!" Frodo yelled, covering his ears. Sam grinned.

"Well, at the end..." Sam began again. Frodo covered his ears and danced around.

"La la la! I can't hear you!"

"There's no need for that Mr Frodo." Sam said.

Really Later...

"Mr Frodo, look at the pretty sunset." Sam said. Frodo didn't say anything. "Mr Frodo?"

"Snore..."

Even Really Later...

"Snore..."

"Quit that!" Sam yelled.

"What?" asked Frodo, who had been playing solitaire.

"The author is snoring." Sam complained.

"Snore..."

"You're right." Frodo agreed. "The author is snoring." Then he went back to his solitaire game.

"Snore..."

"Quit that already!" Sam screamed.

"Quit what?" Pippin asked, finally coming out of the corn with an armful of Farmer Maggot's vegetables.

"The author was snoring." Sam complained.

"I was not!" The author yelled back, just waking up.

"Were too."

"Was not!"

"Were too!"

"Was not! Authors don't snore!"

"Will you two keep quiet? I don't want Farmer Maggot to hear us!" Pippin said.

"No I will not keep quiet puny mortal! I am THE AUTHOR! I can do as I please! And I don't snore! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHACough, cough cough." THE AUTHOR'S grand speech was interrupted by a fit of coughing.

"Need a cough drop?" Sam asked.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!"

"I was just asking." Sam said.

"That wasn't me..." The author replied.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Frodo sobbed.

"What's wrong Mr Frodo? Did you lose the Ring already?" Sam asked.

"I lost my solitaire game!" Frodo sobbed again, sucking his thumb.

"And they call me a fool..." Pippin said.

"Explain to me why he gets the Ring again?" Merry asked, coming out of the corn with more stolen veggies. "I mean honestly, I'm OBVIOUSLY more mature. Right?"

"Ummm..." Sam said.

"Ummm..." The author said.

"Snore..." Pippin snored loudly. Sam elbowed him. "Huh? What?" Pippin asked, waking up.

"You're supposed to say Ummm..." Sam explained.

"Oh."

"No, Ummm... More of an Uh sound." Sam explained to the now very confused hobbit.

Merry was very annoyed. "I am very annoyed."

"Why?" Pippin asked.

"Because, nobody has answered my question. That obviously shows I'm more mature. Right?" Everyone stared at him. "Right?"

* * *

Please review! Please? PLEASE? I'm asking nicely. I know there are people reading this, because I have a handy hit counter. According to it this story has... (checks hit counter) 


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